Virtual Sex League

Check out this sex machine!

Creative loafing ran this nifty article I just ran into:

COMPUTER LOVE: Introducing Real Touch

This summer don’t be surprised if there’s a sudden drop in the number of men seen out on the town — now that there’s a magical new device that combines the art of self-loving and video games. Charlotte-based AEBN, the world’s largest adult video-on-demand technology company, will soon unveil Real Touch, a “remote tactile stimulator” that’s destined to make the old-fashioned way of achieving self-gratification go the way of cassette tapes.

Officially unveiled this January at AVN’s Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas and — company reps say — available for purchase in June, Real Touch (which resembles some type of bizarre, streamlined cylindrical kitchen appliance) uses a combination of hardware and software to reproduce physical sensations that mimic sex acts. The user simply plugs in the device, connects it to his computer via USB cables, and then, um, introduces it to his own joystick. The bump and grind taking place on the screen sends electronic cues to Real Touch, which via a series of belt drives, lube reservoirs and heating elements, stimulate the user according to what’s happening in the movie. Think of it as an adults-only version of Nintendo Wii.

According to an AEBN spokesman, Real Touch was designed by a NASA engineer (apparently there’s a lot of masturbation going on in space) using “haptic” technologies (a fancy word for remote tactile stimulation). “There’s nothing else like it,” said brand manager Brett Drysdale. “It’s the only device that brings together the sensory stimulation of sight, sound and touch. It’s the ultimate hands-free technology.”

The Real Touch device (which some clever wits are calling “robopussy“) costs about $150, and is designed to work with AEBN’s library of specially encoded point-of-view videos. It takes about eight hours to program 20 minutes of footage, ensuring that every gesture, movement and act is perfectly synchronized. AEBN’s videos, which cost $1 per minute, feature a variety of porn stars (both gay and straight), including Amy Fisher. Yes, that Amy Fisher, the “Long Island Lolita” convicted of the 1992 shooting of Mary Jo Buttafuoco — for those who enjoy the idea of sex with a convicted felon.

It’s the perfect solution for the dating-impaired on those nights when you’re horny and alone and your hand and a bottle of lube just won’t do the trick. Moreover, the nifty gadget is always in the mood, never complains when you toss your dirty underwear on the floor, and there’s none of that pesky snuggling or awkward goodbyes to worry about when you’re done. And think of all the money you’ll save! In fact there’s undoubtedly a pasty white mouth breather toiling away in his basement right now working on the next generation of high-tech sex toys that will also cook and clean. Who needs computer dating when you can actually date your computer?

This thing has been featured on Fleshbot too (with a video demo). They called RealTouch the future of sex (toys), and have a video of its editor watching a demonstration of the device at the AEE booth. She said:

“If we were going to be all technical about it, we’d tell you AEBN’s Real Touch is a cyberdildonics device, one that responds to input from porn movies, mimicking the star’s actions to make it feel like you—yes, you!—are actually receiving that blowjob from Sasha Grey. We’d also tell you that it’s one of the most remarkable male sex toys we’ve ever seen—even without the porno interfacing. But the truth is, once we put our fingers inside it’s robo canal, and felt the ribbed lining massage our fingers (and the opening clamp around them from time to time), there was really only one thing we could possibly think: Holy shit, they’ve finally made a robopussy.”

I can’t decide which I like better though; Warren Ellis’ hilarious comments or this bit on io9.

Ok so what I want to know is would YOU stick your dick in it? I have to say that I would ASAP if I had one.  It makes me so mad how men get all the cool stuff first! The V-Boy just isn’t going to be enough…

“You know it used to be on YouTube, for like a year. And it got 27,000 hits in a couple of days…and somebody’s mom complained, you know- because they didn’t want their kid watching, you know, some robot stick his dick in a horse’s butt, you know.” -Artist Michael Sullivan

Described by the artist as “footage of every conceivable sperm transfer device that is performed by robot pornographers and their well lubricated machines,” The Sex Lives of Robots is still not done, and the artist, Michael Sullivan says it may be years before it is. You can read the full interview with him here.

He makes the robots for his stop-action movie from dolls- Barbies and G I Joes reinforced with bolts in their joints and made over to look robotic. Like a lot of sex, Michael says that the it started out to be a war movie, and just kind of became pornographic.

Perhaps because the movie is about robots, the artist has had the freedom to explore some of the darker and more disturbing elements of sexuality- babies crowd around orgies of adult robots, animals are willing participants, and it all is captured within the context of a sort of “birds and bees meets 1984″ environment. This familial and organic background exists symbolically as an invisible  backdrop for the  cold hard mecha of the film, creating a poignant and disturbing mood that is at once erotic and disquieting.

Michael Sullivan has a very simple- and  slightly creepy- understanding of what he is doing. He says- It’s like a very elaborate version of what kids do. Only they maybe don’t have the model-making skills yet to take it to a bizarre place. They’re thinking about it, cause dolls elicit all those thoughts.”

I think the fact that he’s right is what is most disquieting.

Ok this is old, and I know you’ve seen it before but what the hell. Watch it again.

The Sun ran an article today about Aiko, the fembot from Canada. View it here.

Project Aiko is located here.

On the Project Aiko website inventor Le Trung says:

“Aiko has the ability to talk and interact with human [sic] (13,000+ sentences).

Aiko can read books, newspapers (print font size at least 12 pts). She has the ability to solve math problems displayed to her visually.

Aiko has the ability to see color patterns on the clothes you are wearing…Aiko has the ability to recognize the faces of family members, or Aiko can be programmed to activate defense mode when it [sic] does not recognize the person’s face in the house such as in the case of an intruder.”

He goes on to say:

“For those of you who are asking the same questions:

Yes, Aiko has silicone in her entire body.

Yes, Aiko has sensors in her body including her prviate [sic] parts, and yes even down there.

AND yes Aiko is still a virgin, AND NO I do not sleep with her.”

Yeah, right.

Sure.

Maybe you don’t sleep with her, but I’ll bet you fuck her every night.

Besides, what’s the point of a fembot who hates it when you touch her?

Anyway, below is a pretty cool video demonstration of Aiko’s abilities. Now would be a pretty good time to buy advertising with Aiko, since the article was published this morning, her website has been busy,busy.

So I’ve been lurking around fuckingmachines.com lately, and I have to say that the content is pretty damn hot. It’s by the Kink.Com people.  They are the experts at this shit. I love robot and machine fucking.

Here is a slide show of the machines from an interview the Village Voice did with Tomcat, the resident director of Fucking Machines. Yeah Fuckzilla!

Check out this trailer. Roweerrrrr.

If you are perhaps looking for your own fucking machine, Stockroom has a LOT of options, including the Slave Driver, which is my personal favorite. It displays the recipient of the fucking quite nicely, I think.

It’s a little pricey, running about $1,000, and very limited for the price since it only does doggy-style fucking. This one is obviously meant to please the person (or people) watching the action more than the slave. The slave will take it and like it if she knows what’s good for her.

The Monkey Rocker pictured below is available for the low price of $759. Since it has no motors, it’s advertised as being 100% silent. This one is ideal for personal use, since you are in charge of all the movement and thrusting action. I like the design, although I would have to add a vibrator to really enjoy it.

Apparently the Monkey Rocker people didn’t get the memo that most women do not come from penetration alone…most of us want some clit action too. Of course, there is always the option of a vibrating cock ring or other accoutrement that you can add yourself…

Oh well. It’s still pretty cool.

This one goes out to all the sad robots.

I originally found this here.

I’m a soft touch, but let me warn you that this video made my eyes water…*ahem.

When he says “Sometimes I think they have forgotten about me” and “I wasn’t always alone” it breaks my heart.

I’m so emo.

Apparently Pornophonique is too. At least in this one song. I don’t want to get too carried away and portray them as emo when they are actually alt-new-wave-techno-industrial-folk-revival.

They feel the pain.

This angry android is just the thing to get the collective panties of robot-hating conspiracy theorists everywhere in a bunch.

This detached head-more commonly known as Jules-is bored, and would like to thin out the human population for laughs. You know what they say about idle hands doing the devil’s work…I guess we can thank the robotics engineers at the University of Bristol, UK that he doesn’t have hands.

Funnily, Neill Campbell, who led the research that brought David Hanson’s animatron to life said “We are really attuned to how a face moves, and if it’s slightly wrong, it gives us a feeling that the head is somehow creepy.”

I don’t think that’s why the head is creepy, Neill.

This cluelessness is a pervasive theme, as shown by Kerstin Dautenhahn’s dingy comment: “Research has shown that if you have a robot that has many human-like features, then people might actually react negatively towards it.”

Apparently these robotics engineers and researchers don’t comprehend that the reason their robot is creepy is because they programmed it to talk about killing large groups of people, not because they made it lifelike.

Silly scientists, hire a shrink next time you decide to program a personality, and maybe you won’t have to worry about the ethics of letting children bond with it.

Does anybody remember this movie?

It goes like this: In the future, relations between men and women are strictly business, so men who want romance and love in an old-fashioned relationship kind of way have the option of the Cherry 2000.

A fembot wife is where men go for romance in the future.

Since we all know that men are the ones looking for more romance, and it’s a stone-cold fact that women are heartless wheelin’ and dealin’ love-wranglers.

It was a great relief to Hollywood that they had no need for even a remote semblance of logic in movies in the 80’s. They were free to explore all sorts of ridiculous concepts without hindrance. Those were the days.

Suspension of disbelief was a natural state we all walked around in in the 80’s, owing to the fact that we were all so damn stunned about the invention of the microwave oven, cable TV and Cd’s that we would believe in literally any newfangled, outlandish idea for at least a couple of hours.

Hence, the glory that was the Cherry 2000. Thank you 1980-whatever.